Belly Fat

Is it Womenzwerk to obsess about belly fat?

I've been contemplating belly fat today. Which is not to say I've been contemplating my navel, who can see it anymore anyway? I see lots of men walking around with much larger bellies than most women I know, yet I rarely hear them sitting around talking about belly fat like it's one of the amazing wonders of the world.

Middle age women are particularly prone to ponder the rolls around their middles. My fellow moms on the sidelines at baseball games had a theory about this particular placement of pudge. One of them, a medical professional by trade, told us that it is a scientifically proven fact that worry and anxiety causes us to secrete hormones that go right to our middles. As we anxiously watched our sons in tense games, we could literally feel our bellies grow. It was comforting in a way to know that it was caused by such a noble thing as caring about our children.

Another woman friend of mine recently told me that it is all water weight and there are pills for that. She, too, offered comfort in the form of a firm solution for a problem that only menopause could create. Nothing to worry about. Just a natural symptom of my life stage.

I really doubt that the men I know even discuss their bellies with each other, much less actively pursue theories about why they have them.

But then I read an article in the October issue of More magazine (yes this is a plug...great magazine, interesting articles) that really startled me. It said that nearly half of the women coming in for issues with eating these days are middle aged women. They come in with aneroxia and bulemia but more often for something called disordered eating. Many of them start by getting serious about healthy eating or cooking healthy foods and start to obsess. Some of them start with diet and excercise routines. One story told of a woman who could not eat lunch. Another of a woman who could only eat three or four foods.

True confessions here...I'm a recovered anorexic which I don't think I've written about here (but maybe I have). It hit me when I was a teen which is the more typical than hitting women in middle age. I remember every bit of it distinctly. I knew exactly how many calories every activity burned up and how many calories every bite contained and my life was a constant mathematical equation to balance the two. Pounds fled off me without me even trying, or so I thought. I was far gone before I knew what was happening and it took years in the 70's for anyone to diagnose the problem. Had I lost much more weight I would have likely not survived it. And now I hear that women my age are going through this and it makes me very sad.

Because I know that belly fat may be a trigger for disordered eating but it's not the cause. No matter what the doctors think, eating obsessions have alot more to do with feeling out of control, overwhelmed and hopeless. Food becomes the only thing that can be controlled in life. And nothing feels more out of control than middle age as we physically, mentally, and emotionally juggle the responsibility for so many people. Our mothers used to sneak a midday martini, and I'm sure many women fill the void with too much wine still these days. But this new phenomenon of disordered eating is scary to me. Because it isn't happening to men. What women are experiencing at midlife is a different stress, a different out of control situation and a lot less hope. And that's just not right.

So what can we do about it, ladies? Let's make it Womenzwerk to turn this trend around!

Emotional Harvest

Is fall the natural time for reaping what we sow?

All around me today the farmers are harvesting. I see them intent on their work, their children riding along because these are gentlemen farmers with day jobs as accountants and such. Still, the work of the harvest must be done and the splendor of this fall day is the perfect time. It reminds me that it's time for me to harvest the emotions of my life, something we should all do every so often, and send them up to the Universe for consumption.

I think I'm finally ready to let go of the emotions surrounding sending my son off to college. Every thought and emotion that has swirled up in me for the past few months seems to be clearing out now. I can go a day without texting him (almost). I cleaned his room, his bathroom and the spaces he claimed in the guest room and basement. I took apart the shrines made for him for his graduation party...the photo montage and the wall of jerseys. It's time to take all of that love and worry and fear and anxiety and clear it out. Oh, the love continues. But it's the letting go kind of love that I have with my daughters. It's just the next level. And it's time.

Today I sat home nursing a flu-like thing that has been on me for a week. At first I ignored it and thought it would go away. But I think my body is catching up with my heart and simply needs to let it all go. Like the fall harvest, everything in its season. I sowed seeds for years that have resulted in good things. Now it's time to serve it up and find out what my next season's crops should be. The empty nest kind of crops should be very interesting and hopefully very fruitful.

So as always I want to know if women handle all of this differently than men. Well, of course, we do. It's not the men making the graduation shrines, packing the kids up for college with hangars and carpeting and extra underwear and quarters. We definitely feel raw emotions in the process that men seem to handle differently. But I think both men and women need to take the time for the harvest, recognize harvest season when it arrives and take the time to let it happen. Maybe women can lead the way to identifying and supporting the process because of that natural intuitive awareness of things. I think that is Womenzwerk.

What do you think...should women lead by example and regularly acknowledge that it's harvest time?

Gratitude is Womenzwerk

Cliche it may be, but today's about gratitudes. Here are mine:

• I'm grateful that I'm not having the big dinner at my house today. I bought a veggie tray at the grocery store and have never been more grateful for my sister-in-law!

• I'm grateful for my Teacher and the opportunity to learn and be. I'm grateful for my students and the students yet to come.
  

• I'm grateful for a fresh start and a new beginning, finally starting my life's work at 51.

• I'm grateful that this isn't last year. Enough said.

• I'm grateful for having my purse stolen last month, for having it returned in the way that it was and the timing that it was and for the lessons I learned along the way.

• I'm grateful that Detroit is still on the map with enough energy to support our Lions on yet another Thanksgiving Day. Like the Lions...we Michiganders are survivors.
• I'm grateful for my wonderful network of family, friends and colleagues who showed me the grace of connectedness this year.
• I'm grateful that my family is safe and sound this holiday. Even if they are a little out there, I'm glad everyone's OK including Buckeye, in the hospital this holiday but recovering.
  
• I'm grateful that women everywhere have once again made it possible for us to celebrate this day.
• I'm grateful that it's not a white Thanksgiving.
  
• And I'm grateful for sweat pants and jammies at the end of a long day, month or year.

I hope that gratitude is becoming a daily habit as part of our centering and becoming. Happy Thanksgiving!
Is daily gratitude part of your morning or evening routine?

Now health is Womenzwerk?

Just how much can we take on when it comes to health care?

This has been a very interesting week for women and health. We find out that everything we thought about mammograms and pap smears isn't true. And we have our greatest fears confirmed about the loyalty of our spouses if we ever do get seriously ill ( http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/booster_shots/2009/11/seriously-ill-women-face-higher-risk-of-partner-abandonment-compared-to-men.html) .

It's all a little much. So let's see if I get this right. Throughout my lifetime now I need to keep track of a complex series of recommendations regarding appropriate "female" tests. I need to determine if I'm "at risk" which puts me in a different category than other women. I need to decide when and how often I feel I really need medical tests and if I'm not getting tested, how often I really need to see my physician at all. In a way, it's liberating, it puts health care in my hands and frees me of any need to see a physician if I feel fine. After all, the Universe knows that action follows thought. If the fear of getting life threatening illness drives us to the doctor once a year, that ultimately could bring it on based on the laws of nature. I guess I'm good with all of that other than the vast choices and options this adds to our already full brains, hearts and lives. The sheer responsibility of putting our health in our own hands (which, frankly, it's always been) may be the tipping point in already stressed out, overloaded lives. Never mind that we will also be advising our girlfriends, sisters, mothers and daughters as they ask for help with their choices. We're in this together.

But when we combine this with the documentation of what we've always known about male spouses, it all seems like just too much coincidence for one week. What is the universe trying to tell us? In case you didn't hit the link above, the news about spouses is that they simply do abandon their sick wives at a significantly high rate (20.8%) and that makes men six times more likely to abandon their life-threatened partners than women. So adding this up then, we can conclude that we are not just making decisions regarding our health but also decisions regarding the very stability of our family now. PLEASE...we know women hold up the world, but this is getting crazy.

It was an interesting health news week for sure. If all this is becoming overwhelming to you, you are not alone. The only thing left to do is surrender it all to the Universe and live our lives. Hopefully healthfully and with longevity and with spouses at our sides!

So, what do you think....is Womenzwerk getting overwhelming? How are you coping?

Womenzwerk at the grocery store

Is it Womenzwerk to make sure everyone in our household eats properly?

I power-shopped at the grocery store this weekend and didn't pay much attention to what was on my list. As it turned out we were out of just the essentials, you know Diet Coke, sugary cereal, chips, cookies (hey, c'mon they were 100 calorie packs), ice cream and peanut butter. I think there was some type of chicken in there. Maybe a can of tuna. The bill came to over $200. As I was checking out and waiting for my bags (can I get paper AND plastic?), the cashier leaned over and said "enjoy your vacation". When I looked confused she stammered "well I just assumed you were shopping for vacation". Nope, lady. This is how my family eats every day. There wasn't a fruit or veggie in sight (unless you count spinach dip).

All the way home I pondered this. Just how bad a mother am I? And wife? I have a teenage son who eats huge quantities of anything he can find and has always steered clear of anything good for him. I have a carnivore for a husband who also loves gravy. He eats a diet from the 60's which I'm pretty sure he'll never change. Should I just buy the things these guys should eat and hope they'll change their ways? My daughter feeds her kids only organic and is going "raw" herself. But when she comes home, she wants the good stuff too. Is it my job to force people to eat healthy? Or my job to set the example when they really don't care?

I agree that when the kids are little we have a responsibility for their early eating habits and I was much better when I could control what went in their mouths. Now, though, what's realistic? I think it's grossly unfair for women to carry the responsibility for not just the shopping and cooking but also the eating preferences of everyone in the house. Half of the time they eat out anyway. I might be just rationalizing my total female failure here, but I'm wondering at what age people begin to fend for themselves and make their own choices about their health. I'm pretty sure my husband is at least that old. I tried to think about what would happen if I had a mom in my house and I was a member of the tribe. When I grew up, healthy eating wasn't even discussed in polite company. Only hippies were vegetarians. So I have no role model to look to. So fast forward to today, if I were a member of a household rather than the head of a household I think that I would expect to state my food preferences and lobby to have that food in the house so I could eat what appealed to me. If it was healthy food I'd ask for that. So, conversely, since my family asks me for unhealthy food do I really have a choice? I feel like I don't.

I want to be comfortable with this and not change my ways. Still, I think I'll shop at a different store next week.
So... what do you think? Is it really our responsibility to keep everyone in our family eating right?

Womenzwerk at the baseball field

Can women change the way people deal with negativity and anger?

Let's face it, parents are simply not at their best in their children's competitive sports environments. I just returned from the last tournament of our summer baseball travel team, guys under 16 who work hard on the ball field and act like kids off the field. It was an intense week of boy behavior and good ball, with everyone on their last nerve by mid-week. Despite all this, they were winning and we were all still having fun. Or so I thought.

Friday's game was a close one, with just enough errors and strike outs to put us on edge. But we were ahead and the sun was shining and things were going OK. Then the home plate umpire made a call that no one had seen before. The batter threw his helmet and bat and lurched toward the dug out just shy of getting thrown out of the game. Then his dad reacted to the umpire's comment to one of our coaches and actually did get thrown out of the game. It was all over quickly but it was contagious. The next thing I knew, one of the boys had shoved another and a short fight ensued between two guys who were close teammates. That was quickly followed by yet another player mouthing off to the umpire, another player ignoring his father's offer of help and that father being so angry he swore at the umps in the parking lot. All this and we actually won the game. I can't imagine how that anger might have festered if we'd lost.

I'm writing about this because, in the end, it was the women who saved the day. We had one more game to play on the next day and we knew we needed to get past this negative energy. It followed us off and on until game time and I was concerned. This game was even more intense with a very close score and a championship at stake. In the middle of the game, there was another umpire call that our coaches needed to question. As I sat there holding my breath, I heard first one dad and then another begin to call out to the umpires and the anger begin to rise. Then like an angelic chorus, I could hear each of the women in the stands begin to calm the waters. "Guys...you can't help from here." "Guys...this is just a game, we need to let the boys work it out." "Guys...it doesn't matter, let's support the next batter." The women's voices effectively drowned out the men's and calmness and peace prevailed. The next batter came up and I heard one of the dad's begin the call for rally caps and suddenly you could feel the energy turn and a wave of peace and even joy pervade the stands. It was a truly amazing moment. In the end, the parents were a little nuts with encouragement for the team but it was exciting and fun and everything that baseball should be. Just a game. And a darn good time on any day. Oh by the way...we won in extra innings and took home the championship. I'm not sure the other team knew that what we really won was a battle with negativity and anger, thanks to a little Womenzwerk.

So what do you think...can women be the ones to turn the tide when negative energy and anger rise to the surface? Is that a new form of Womenzwerk?

Bow bouquets and Womenzwerk

Are traditional weddings becoming a thing of the past? Is it our job to be the change agents for life's ceremonies?

I'm surrounded by weddings today. A good friend's daughter is getting married this afternoon and I am regretfully missing it for my son's final baseball tournament of the summer. Sure enough, checking into our hotel last night was an entire wedding party and I"m watching them gathering for hair, nails and girl bonding this morning. My mother-in-law is pestering us about an upcoming wedding this Fall and my confirmation that wedding gifts have arrived at yet another wedding destination came in my e-mail today. As a final reminder that weddings are to be front and center for me right now, the YouTube video of the people dancing down the aisle was widely distributed this week. OK...here's your sign as that comedian loves to say.

It seems to me that weddings are subtly and significantly changing, even as they seem to carry on in traditional ways. In June I had the honor of acting as the officiate at a special couple's wedding. They were long time friends of my daughter and one of those couples you just love to see get married. It was a beautiful ceremony with lots of the traditions you would expect. But here's the thing...the bride and groom wanted to put their own stamp on their wedding. They didn't want a traditional Christian ceremony despite being raised in the Christian church. They wanted something that felt personally spiritual and meaningful to them and their new life. They cared about the words I used and the symbols I would incorporate. They cared about the atmosphere, the energy, the intention. And they didn't want to be marrried in a church.

When it came to the folk traditions that women have perpetuated for generations, they were mostly neutral. At one of their showers, it was the middle-aged women who insisted on the bow bouquets, for example. The young women had no idea what we were talking about and looked at us like we were a little nuts. I've seen this echoed in the conversations of mothers-of-the-bride that I seem to take part in all the time lately. The brides are beyond non-traditional in their approach to their ceremonies. Instead, they are more spiritual and less ritual bound. More into personal connectedness and less religion bound. It just seems like the ritual of the wedding ceremony itself and the traditions associated with it are tolerated but not venerated. As if the fabric of what we used to think was important and necessary, has frayed. I think that's a good thing. Because I think that what is behind it, deep down under all the lace and planning and love, is Womenzwerk at it's finest. A women led revolution into a new way of thinking that eliminates our dependence on structures, and elevates our ability to experience each other and God without interference, in a very personal and peaceful way.

It's good to note that other major religious ceremonies are changing, too. Funerals, for example, have become more about understanding our passage to Home. More about memorializing lives than worrying about "going to Hell". More about the soothing of grief, than a focus on fear of dying. Baptisms are less popular and less of an automatic "insurance" policy needed for spiritual success. Instead,christenings are rising in popularity, more as an early life blessing and intention by the family.When you think about it, you'll think of others. The changes are subtle but steady. The revolution has begun.

And it is women, always women, creating the new standards for these ceremonial opportunities. Or making the ultimate change statement...standards optional.

So what do you think...are weddings or other ceremonies changing? Will it be women who lead the change?