Do we discriminate against our fellow women based on weight?
I'm not happy with Oprah these days. I have to say that I may be in a distinctive minority on this issue, but I like Oprah with a little weight on. I think she looks frightening when she gets to her "ideal weight" and she seems so much happier when she's not feeling guilty about what her body does or doesn't look like. The whole mea culpa in her self-produced media about how she had a thyroid issue and lost her focus and balance just slays me. If she'd freaked out and committed an act of violence or insulted her guests on her show, I'd say she'd lost her balance. But just getting a little larger? I'm not seeing her in that much trouble here.
Maybe I'm not sensitive enough. My issues go the other way. Although today I endure a little middle-aged excess, I've never struggled with being overweight. I'm a recovered anorexic, having been skinny when skinny wasn't cool, and that might give me a different perspective. But it seems to me that it's women who refuse to accept women's varying body sizes. When I was skinny, my female friends and relatives would "cluck-cluck" around me and tell me I needed to eat, needed to look more like them. Back then, they didn't know that I had a disease that could actually mean I was unhealthy. All they saw was someone who was different. I was an outsider to all women's social circles and the subject of some nasty name calling and gossip. I imagine that women with plus-sized issues experience the same subtle rejection from their fellow women.
Last week, I bought some thong underwear and picked up the wrong size. When I brought it home I realized I'd picked up some extra-large thongs. My first reaction was to laugh out loud. What extra large sized woman wears thongs, I thought. Then I realized that I was being terribly biased. Why the extra large sized woman who doesn't want panty lines wears a thong, the same reason I do. How telling that moment was for me. I'm guessing Oprah is still wearing thongs. I wish she would use her significant influence to make it OK to be whatever size you are at any time in your life. I wish she would talk about her thongs.
So, what do you think...do women discriminate against other women based on body size?
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Our stuff
Is it Womenzwerk to maintain the family stuff?
Right before my Mom died, she talked to me about her stuff. She wanted the oldest grandson to have her fancy clock. She wanted her great grandsons to have the Christmas train. She wanted me to have the silver. Mostly, she didn't want us to put all her beloved things in a garage sale, but she knew we would some day. My Mom lived alone for over twenty years and really didn't save a lot of extra stuff compared to, say, my husband's parents. But now it's my job to decide what to do with all the stuff of her life and I'm suffering from serious procrastination and can't seem to get it done.
The day of the funeral my brother and his family started sorting the things they thought we should save. My sister-in-law gave me wise women's advice which essentially concluded with the idea that anything historic should be saved. That includes darn near everything in that house. My brother wanted to save odd things like inexpensive trinkets from Mom's many travels. My nephews wanted to save the stuff left over in the house from their Dad's childhood and mine. I just want to pitch it all.
Is it my responsibility to save as much as possible, or to let it go as I'm beginning to let her go? Do I save the playbills from my parent's Chicago honeymoon in the forties because they have historical value? Do I save every letter my Dad sent from the war? OK, that seems reasonable to me. But will I ever read them or donate them, and will my kids care at all about them after an initial glance? Do I save my box of memories and photos from high school? My Girl Scout sash? Really, who cares at this point? Will my daughters just have to decide what to do with this crazy stuff when I die?
I know I'm procrastinating for several reasons. First, it's snowing again and that's a good excuse. Second, I miss my Mom every day and the house just seems like such a sad place to be. But mostly, I don't know what to do. I don't know what to keep and what to release to the universe. I really don't want to store all those memories and all that history in my awareness, in my karmic field or in my energy. Mom's let go. I need to, too. But how much is right and important to keep? And who can tell me? I know women vary on how they feel about this. My sister-in-law is a good example of the "save it" extreme. I feel the weight of the generations on my shoulders. I guess it's Womenzwerk to preserve the family heritage and memories and I'm afraid I'll mess it up. I'm waiting for any resource that might give me comfort on this subject. Or maybe I'm waiting for Spring.
So what do you think, how do women know the right mix of things needed to preserve the family history?
Right before my Mom died, she talked to me about her stuff. She wanted the oldest grandson to have her fancy clock. She wanted her great grandsons to have the Christmas train. She wanted me to have the silver. Mostly, she didn't want us to put all her beloved things in a garage sale, but she knew we would some day. My Mom lived alone for over twenty years and really didn't save a lot of extra stuff compared to, say, my husband's parents. But now it's my job to decide what to do with all the stuff of her life and I'm suffering from serious procrastination and can't seem to get it done.
The day of the funeral my brother and his family started sorting the things they thought we should save. My sister-in-law gave me wise women's advice which essentially concluded with the idea that anything historic should be saved. That includes darn near everything in that house. My brother wanted to save odd things like inexpensive trinkets from Mom's many travels. My nephews wanted to save the stuff left over in the house from their Dad's childhood and mine. I just want to pitch it all.
Is it my responsibility to save as much as possible, or to let it go as I'm beginning to let her go? Do I save the playbills from my parent's Chicago honeymoon in the forties because they have historical value? Do I save every letter my Dad sent from the war? OK, that seems reasonable to me. But will I ever read them or donate them, and will my kids care at all about them after an initial glance? Do I save my box of memories and photos from high school? My Girl Scout sash? Really, who cares at this point? Will my daughters just have to decide what to do with this crazy stuff when I die?
I know I'm procrastinating for several reasons. First, it's snowing again and that's a good excuse. Second, I miss my Mom every day and the house just seems like such a sad place to be. But mostly, I don't know what to do. I don't know what to keep and what to release to the universe. I really don't want to store all those memories and all that history in my awareness, in my karmic field or in my energy. Mom's let go. I need to, too. But how much is right and important to keep? And who can tell me? I know women vary on how they feel about this. My sister-in-law is a good example of the "save it" extreme. I feel the weight of the generations on my shoulders. I guess it's Womenzwerk to preserve the family heritage and memories and I'm afraid I'll mess it up. I'm waiting for any resource that might give me comfort on this subject. Or maybe I'm waiting for Spring.
So what do you think, how do women know the right mix of things needed to preserve the family history?
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Be Prepared
Does Womenzwerk naturally make us crazy or really prepared?
I find it really funny that the long standing motto of the Boy Scouts is "Be Prepared". Perhaps it was developed by well-meaning Den Mothers who were steeped in the tradition of Womenzwerk and truly felt that they could teach boys to become attention-oriented young men who would plan ahead and begin to relieve women of the tedious responsibility of handling every precious detail of life. Nice try, ladies. I've yet to meet a current or former Boy Scout who really knew the meaning of being prepared. Instead, I've met many frustrated men and women who can't connect on what it means to be prepared for any situation.
Womenzwerk demands that we be constantly thinking ahead. When someone asks our husband if we want to go on a trip to the Bahamas. He says "yes", thinking of sunny beaches and rounds of golf. He calls us crazy when we hesitate for that split second of time about something that seems like a no-brainer to him. Our hesitation is based on what goes through our heads when we hear that same invitation. We think about what shape our suitcases are in, which of the kids need new shorts and bathing suits, what we'll need to do at Curves to get ready to be on a beach, who will water the plants, who can let the dogs out, whether the money is in the bank and how we'll reschedule the doctor's appointment we already have set for that week. We think about the work we'll have to do to catch up when we return, including the hundreds of e-mails at work and the mounds of laundry. Our anxiety peaks before we even get to the thought of Mai-Tai's on sunkissed beach chairs. Are we crazy? Is our never ending Womenzwerk robbing us of joy? Or are we the ones keeping it all together and simply being totally prepared?
The same thing happens around every holiday; every overnight visit from friends, family or our kids friends; and on every Sunday night as we lay out the week's clothes and make our to-do lists. Men, those Boy Scouts of old, seem to be much more centered. But if we simply acted more like men, would the rest of it just go away as they seem to think it would? Would it all just be handled? Would anyone care? I don't know the answers, but I really believe that Womenzwerk greases the skids of life and I do believe our attention to detail and ability to plan ahead would be missed by all. But then, maybe I AM crazy.
So, what do you think...are we crazy or just crazy prepared?
I find it really funny that the long standing motto of the Boy Scouts is "Be Prepared". Perhaps it was developed by well-meaning Den Mothers who were steeped in the tradition of Womenzwerk and truly felt that they could teach boys to become attention-oriented young men who would plan ahead and begin to relieve women of the tedious responsibility of handling every precious detail of life. Nice try, ladies. I've yet to meet a current or former Boy Scout who really knew the meaning of being prepared. Instead, I've met many frustrated men and women who can't connect on what it means to be prepared for any situation.
Womenzwerk demands that we be constantly thinking ahead. When someone asks our husband if we want to go on a trip to the Bahamas. He says "yes", thinking of sunny beaches and rounds of golf. He calls us crazy when we hesitate for that split second of time about something that seems like a no-brainer to him. Our hesitation is based on what goes through our heads when we hear that same invitation. We think about what shape our suitcases are in, which of the kids need new shorts and bathing suits, what we'll need to do at Curves to get ready to be on a beach, who will water the plants, who can let the dogs out, whether the money is in the bank and how we'll reschedule the doctor's appointment we already have set for that week. We think about the work we'll have to do to catch up when we return, including the hundreds of e-mails at work and the mounds of laundry. Our anxiety peaks before we even get to the thought of Mai-Tai's on sunkissed beach chairs. Are we crazy? Is our never ending Womenzwerk robbing us of joy? Or are we the ones keeping it all together and simply being totally prepared?
The same thing happens around every holiday; every overnight visit from friends, family or our kids friends; and on every Sunday night as we lay out the week's clothes and make our to-do lists. Men, those Boy Scouts of old, seem to be much more centered. But if we simply acted more like men, would the rest of it just go away as they seem to think it would? Would it all just be handled? Would anyone care? I don't know the answers, but I really believe that Womenzwerk greases the skids of life and I do believe our attention to detail and ability to plan ahead would be missed by all. But then, maybe I AM crazy.
So, what do you think...are we crazy or just crazy prepared?
Monday, February 2, 2009
Super silly
Would a woman have delayed school the morning after the Super Bowl?
Seriously. So they delayed the start of school in Pittsburgh to somehow honor the late night partying of parents and presumably children, in celebration of the win the Steelers barely stole from Arizona in the Super Bowl? Are you joking me? This has to be an act of male silliness that ranks right up there with bodily function jokes in movies.
As all women know, the whole Super Bowl phenomenon is just another reason Womenzwerk has to be done. The pre-game grocery buying, the cooking, the preparatory house straightening and the late Sunday night clean up are all led by the women. Without us, there couldn't be any significant Super Bowl gathering and the men all know it. And we get up and go to work on time, regardless of how tired we are the next day.
As women, we recognize that even if our team wins and we stay up late and celebrate, our young children need to be in bed and anyone old enough to stay up is responsible enough to get up and function on Monday morning. I can't imagine that it was a woman who would condone the slippery slope of delaying the school day for something as frivolous as celebrating a football victory.
In this world where lots of things don't make sense, it is Womenzwerk to bring some sanity to our daily responsibilities, especially for our children. What example are we setting if we create excuses to blow off work and responsibility? What lessons are we teaching about accountability? Who called the delay of game on Monday morning? I have no doubt it was men.
So, what do you think? Was delaying school the day after the Super Bowl a bad or a good idea?
Seriously. So they delayed the start of school in Pittsburgh to somehow honor the late night partying of parents and presumably children, in celebration of the win the Steelers barely stole from Arizona in the Super Bowl? Are you joking me? This has to be an act of male silliness that ranks right up there with bodily function jokes in movies.
As all women know, the whole Super Bowl phenomenon is just another reason Womenzwerk has to be done. The pre-game grocery buying, the cooking, the preparatory house straightening and the late Sunday night clean up are all led by the women. Without us, there couldn't be any significant Super Bowl gathering and the men all know it. And we get up and go to work on time, regardless of how tired we are the next day.
As women, we recognize that even if our team wins and we stay up late and celebrate, our young children need to be in bed and anyone old enough to stay up is responsible enough to get up and function on Monday morning. I can't imagine that it was a woman who would condone the slippery slope of delaying the school day for something as frivolous as celebrating a football victory.
In this world where lots of things don't make sense, it is Womenzwerk to bring some sanity to our daily responsibilities, especially for our children. What example are we setting if we create excuses to blow off work and responsibility? What lessons are we teaching about accountability? Who called the delay of game on Monday morning? I have no doubt it was men.
So, what do you think? Was delaying school the day after the Super Bowl a bad or a good idea?
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