Can women change the way people deal with negativity and anger?
Let's face it, parents are simply not at their best in their children's competitive sports environments. I just returned from the last tournament of our summer baseball travel team, guys under 16 who work hard on the ball field and act like kids off the field. It was an intense week of boy behavior and good ball, with everyone on their last nerve by mid-week. Despite all this, they were winning and we were all still having fun. Or so I thought.
Friday's game was a close one, with just enough errors and strike outs to put us on edge. But we were ahead and the sun was shining and things were going OK. Then the home plate umpire made a call that no one had seen before. The batter threw his helmet and bat and lurched toward the dug out just shy of getting thrown out of the game. Then his dad reacted to the umpire's comment to one of our coaches and actually did get thrown out of the game. It was all over quickly but it was contagious. The next thing I knew, one of the boys had shoved another and a short fight ensued between two guys who were close teammates. That was quickly followed by yet another player mouthing off to the umpire, another player ignoring his father's offer of help and that father being so angry he swore at the umps in the parking lot. All this and we actually won the game. I can't imagine how that anger might have festered if we'd lost.
I'm writing about this because, in the end, it was the women who saved the day. We had one more game to play on the next day and we knew we needed to get past this negative energy. It followed us off and on until game time and I was concerned. This game was even more intense with a very close score and a championship at stake. In the middle of the game, there was another umpire call that our coaches needed to question. As I sat there holding my breath, I heard first one dad and then another begin to call out to the umpires and the anger begin to rise. Then like an angelic chorus, I could hear each of the women in the stands begin to calm the waters. "Guys...you can't help from here." "Guys...this is just a game, we need to let the boys work it out." "Guys...it doesn't matter, let's support the next batter." The women's voices effectively drowned out the men's and calmness and peace prevailed. The next batter came up and I heard one of the dad's begin the call for rally caps and suddenly you could feel the energy turn and a wave of peace and even joy pervade the stands. It was a truly amazing moment. In the end, the parents were a little nuts with encouragement for the team but it was exciting and fun and everything that baseball should be. Just a game. And a darn good time on any day. Oh by the way...we won in extra innings and took home the championship. I'm not sure the other team knew that what we really won was a battle with negativity and anger, thanks to a little Womenzwerk.
So what do you think...can women be the ones to turn the tide when negative energy and anger rise to the surface? Is that a new form of Womenzwerk?
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Bow bouquets and Womenzwerk
Are traditional weddings becoming a thing of the past? Is it our job to be the change agents for life's ceremonies?
I'm surrounded by weddings today. A good friend's daughter is getting married this afternoon and I am regretfully missing it for my son's final baseball tournament of the summer. Sure enough, checking into our hotel last night was an entire wedding party and I"m watching them gathering for hair, nails and girl bonding this morning. My mother-in-law is pestering us about an upcoming wedding this Fall and my confirmation that wedding gifts have arrived at yet another wedding destination came in my e-mail today. As a final reminder that weddings are to be front and center for me right now, the YouTube video of the people dancing down the aisle was widely distributed this week. OK...here's your sign as that comedian loves to say.
It seems to me that weddings are subtly and significantly changing, even as they seem to carry on in traditional ways. In June I had the honor of acting as the officiate at a special couple's wedding. They were long time friends of my daughter and one of those couples you just love to see get married. It was a beautiful ceremony with lots of the traditions you would expect. But here's the thing...the bride and groom wanted to put their own stamp on their wedding. They didn't want a traditional Christian ceremony despite being raised in the Christian church. They wanted something that felt personally spiritual and meaningful to them and their new life. They cared about the words I used and the symbols I would incorporate. They cared about the atmosphere, the energy, the intention. And they didn't want to be marrried in a church.
When it came to the folk traditions that women have perpetuated for generations, they were mostly neutral. At one of their showers, it was the middle-aged women who insisted on the bow bouquets, for example. The young women had no idea what we were talking about and looked at us like we were a little nuts. I've seen this echoed in the conversations of mothers-of-the-bride that I seem to take part in all the time lately. The brides are beyond non-traditional in their approach to their ceremonies. Instead, they are more spiritual and less ritual bound. More into personal connectedness and less religion bound. It just seems like the ritual of the wedding ceremony itself and the traditions associated with it are tolerated but not venerated. As if the fabric of what we used to think was important and necessary, has frayed. I think that's a good thing. Because I think that what is behind it, deep down under all the lace and planning and love, is Womenzwerk at it's finest. A women led revolution into a new way of thinking that eliminates our dependence on structures, and elevates our ability to experience each other and God without interference, in a very personal and peaceful way.
It's good to note that other major religious ceremonies are changing, too. Funerals, for example, have become more about understanding our passage to Home. More about memorializing lives than worrying about "going to Hell". More about the soothing of grief, than a focus on fear of dying. Baptisms are less popular and less of an automatic "insurance" policy needed for spiritual success. Instead,christenings are rising in popularity, more as an early life blessing and intention by the family.When you think about it, you'll think of others. The changes are subtle but steady. The revolution has begun.
And it is women, always women, creating the new standards for these ceremonial opportunities. Or making the ultimate change statement...standards optional.
So what do you think...are weddings or other ceremonies changing? Will it be women who lead the change?
I'm surrounded by weddings today. A good friend's daughter is getting married this afternoon and I am regretfully missing it for my son's final baseball tournament of the summer. Sure enough, checking into our hotel last night was an entire wedding party and I"m watching them gathering for hair, nails and girl bonding this morning. My mother-in-law is pestering us about an upcoming wedding this Fall and my confirmation that wedding gifts have arrived at yet another wedding destination came in my e-mail today. As a final reminder that weddings are to be front and center for me right now, the YouTube video of the people dancing down the aisle was widely distributed this week. OK...here's your sign as that comedian loves to say.
It seems to me that weddings are subtly and significantly changing, even as they seem to carry on in traditional ways. In June I had the honor of acting as the officiate at a special couple's wedding. They were long time friends of my daughter and one of those couples you just love to see get married. It was a beautiful ceremony with lots of the traditions you would expect. But here's the thing...the bride and groom wanted to put their own stamp on their wedding. They didn't want a traditional Christian ceremony despite being raised in the Christian church. They wanted something that felt personally spiritual and meaningful to them and their new life. They cared about the words I used and the symbols I would incorporate. They cared about the atmosphere, the energy, the intention. And they didn't want to be marrried in a church.
When it came to the folk traditions that women have perpetuated for generations, they were mostly neutral. At one of their showers, it was the middle-aged women who insisted on the bow bouquets, for example. The young women had no idea what we were talking about and looked at us like we were a little nuts. I've seen this echoed in the conversations of mothers-of-the-bride that I seem to take part in all the time lately. The brides are beyond non-traditional in their approach to their ceremonies. Instead, they are more spiritual and less ritual bound. More into personal connectedness and less religion bound. It just seems like the ritual of the wedding ceremony itself and the traditions associated with it are tolerated but not venerated. As if the fabric of what we used to think was important and necessary, has frayed. I think that's a good thing. Because I think that what is behind it, deep down under all the lace and planning and love, is Womenzwerk at it's finest. A women led revolution into a new way of thinking that eliminates our dependence on structures, and elevates our ability to experience each other and God without interference, in a very personal and peaceful way.
It's good to note that other major religious ceremonies are changing, too. Funerals, for example, have become more about understanding our passage to Home. More about memorializing lives than worrying about "going to Hell". More about the soothing of grief, than a focus on fear of dying. Baptisms are less popular and less of an automatic "insurance" policy needed for spiritual success. Instead,christenings are rising in popularity, more as an early life blessing and intention by the family.When you think about it, you'll think of others. The changes are subtle but steady. The revolution has begun.
And it is women, always women, creating the new standards for these ceremonial opportunities. Or making the ultimate change statement...standards optional.
So what do you think...are weddings or other ceremonies changing? Will it be women who lead the change?
Monday, July 6, 2009
Goodbyes are Womenzwerk
If we're good at hellos, Womenzwerk requires that we be good at goodbyes.
It's time to admit that I am in a season of goodbyes. I started this blog in my mother's hospice room and as I write this entry I'm preparing to close the sale of her house. Her house isn't hers any more, of course. My daughter and I shared a sale and lots of moments as we gave away her possessions. But they weren't hers any more either. I filled the dumpster and cried and laughed and talked to Mom, alone in her house. But now it sits empty. Just a building that another family will love. In the midst of the goodbyes I realized how much I was well and truly loved by my parents. And I said goodbye to my childhood and goodbye again to my Dad who passed some twenty five years ago. I said goodbye to my grandparents, my high school buddies, my lake, my street, my neighborhood. All things I thought I'd said goodbye to so many years ago.
And I said goodbye to the old me. My daughter understood in a way that only women can. She just came, when no one else in my family (all men...my brother, my son, my husband) understood. She found a sitter, packed up and came, even though it was inconvenient and short notice and no fun. Because women become experts at goodbyes and in our own way, we know what Shakespeare meant bythe sweet sorrow of parting. To do goodbyes well, we have to master amazing hellos. We welcome each passage of womanhood from our first signs of puberty to our first kiss to our laughs with our girlfriends at 85. We celebrate with parties and events, we take photos, we write poems, we make scrapbooks and we are truly in these welcoming moments with each other. So it's only fitting that when it's time to say goodbye and move on to the next part of our journey, we know how to do that with style, too. If not for the support of my daughter this would have been immensely more difficult. With her help and her love, I can move through it to whatever is next.
In keeping with my season of goodbyes, I know this will be a goodbye year. My son is a senior in high school and already focused on the life he'll lead after he moves forward into his uncharted future, far from Mom and Dad. I can feel him slipping away from me and I'm reaching out to keep him safe. But I need to use this lesson in goodbyes to get ready for that one. My last child leaving the nest. And whatever comes next, is a mystery to all of us. Somehow I know that there will be women with me who will understand and get me through this. Because waiting on the other side of every goodbye is another chance to say hello and celebrate together.
Does Womenzwerk require that we master the art of goodbye? What do you think?
It's time to admit that I am in a season of goodbyes. I started this blog in my mother's hospice room and as I write this entry I'm preparing to close the sale of her house. Her house isn't hers any more, of course. My daughter and I shared a sale and lots of moments as we gave away her possessions. But they weren't hers any more either. I filled the dumpster and cried and laughed and talked to Mom, alone in her house. But now it sits empty. Just a building that another family will love. In the midst of the goodbyes I realized how much I was well and truly loved by my parents. And I said goodbye to my childhood and goodbye again to my Dad who passed some twenty five years ago. I said goodbye to my grandparents, my high school buddies, my lake, my street, my neighborhood. All things I thought I'd said goodbye to so many years ago.
And I said goodbye to the old me. My daughter understood in a way that only women can. She just came, when no one else in my family (all men...my brother, my son, my husband) understood. She found a sitter, packed up and came, even though it was inconvenient and short notice and no fun. Because women become experts at goodbyes and in our own way, we know what Shakespeare meant bythe sweet sorrow of parting. To do goodbyes well, we have to master amazing hellos. We welcome each passage of womanhood from our first signs of puberty to our first kiss to our laughs with our girlfriends at 85. We celebrate with parties and events, we take photos, we write poems, we make scrapbooks and we are truly in these welcoming moments with each other. So it's only fitting that when it's time to say goodbye and move on to the next part of our journey, we know how to do that with style, too. If not for the support of my daughter this would have been immensely more difficult. With her help and her love, I can move through it to whatever is next.
In keeping with my season of goodbyes, I know this will be a goodbye year. My son is a senior in high school and already focused on the life he'll lead after he moves forward into his uncharted future, far from Mom and Dad. I can feel him slipping away from me and I'm reaching out to keep him safe. But I need to use this lesson in goodbyes to get ready for that one. My last child leaving the nest. And whatever comes next, is a mystery to all of us. Somehow I know that there will be women with me who will understand and get me through this. Because waiting on the other side of every goodbye is another chance to say hello and celebrate together.
Does Womenzwerk require that we master the art of goodbye? What do you think?
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