Bow bouquets and Womenzwerk

Are traditional weddings becoming a thing of the past? Is it our job to be the change agents for life's ceremonies?

I'm surrounded by weddings today. A good friend's daughter is getting married this afternoon and I am regretfully missing it for my son's final baseball tournament of the summer. Sure enough, checking into our hotel last night was an entire wedding party and I"m watching them gathering for hair, nails and girl bonding this morning. My mother-in-law is pestering us about an upcoming wedding this Fall and my confirmation that wedding gifts have arrived at yet another wedding destination came in my e-mail today. As a final reminder that weddings are to be front and center for me right now, the YouTube video of the people dancing down the aisle was widely distributed this week. OK...here's your sign as that comedian loves to say.

It seems to me that weddings are subtly and significantly changing, even as they seem to carry on in traditional ways. In June I had the honor of acting as the officiate at a special couple's wedding. They were long time friends of my daughter and one of those couples you just love to see get married. It was a beautiful ceremony with lots of the traditions you would expect. But here's the thing...the bride and groom wanted to put their own stamp on their wedding. They didn't want a traditional Christian ceremony despite being raised in the Christian church. They wanted something that felt personally spiritual and meaningful to them and their new life. They cared about the words I used and the symbols I would incorporate. They cared about the atmosphere, the energy, the intention. And they didn't want to be marrried in a church.

When it came to the folk traditions that women have perpetuated for generations, they were mostly neutral. At one of their showers, it was the middle-aged women who insisted on the bow bouquets, for example. The young women had no idea what we were talking about and looked at us like we were a little nuts. I've seen this echoed in the conversations of mothers-of-the-bride that I seem to take part in all the time lately. The brides are beyond non-traditional in their approach to their ceremonies. Instead, they are more spiritual and less ritual bound. More into personal connectedness and less religion bound. It just seems like the ritual of the wedding ceremony itself and the traditions associated with it are tolerated but not venerated. As if the fabric of what we used to think was important and necessary, has frayed. I think that's a good thing. Because I think that what is behind it, deep down under all the lace and planning and love, is Womenzwerk at it's finest. A women led revolution into a new way of thinking that eliminates our dependence on structures, and elevates our ability to experience each other and God without interference, in a very personal and peaceful way.

It's good to note that other major religious ceremonies are changing, too. Funerals, for example, have become more about understanding our passage to Home. More about memorializing lives than worrying about "going to Hell". More about the soothing of grief, than a focus on fear of dying. Baptisms are less popular and less of an automatic "insurance" policy needed for spiritual success. Instead,christenings are rising in popularity, more as an early life blessing and intention by the family.When you think about it, you'll think of others. The changes are subtle but steady. The revolution has begun.

And it is women, always women, creating the new standards for these ceremonial opportunities. Or making the ultimate change statement...standards optional.

So what do you think...are weddings or other ceremonies changing? Will it be women who lead the change?